Does My Child Need Counseling?

When you see your child struggling, it can be hard to know what to do as a parent.  In those moments you may wonder, “Are they going through a phase or is this something more?”  Most of the time it’s not always clear as to what is going on or what you should do, leaving you with the question, “Does my child or teen need counseling?”

There is no parenting manual 

Did you receive a manual when you had your child? Out of the hundreds of parents I’ve asked over the course of my work as a child therapist, not one of them has said yes. So this means one of two things:

1. The hospitals are withholding these manuals or guides
2. One doesn’t exist

If you are reading this and happen to be a parent, you know that sadly number 2 is true.  There is no comprehensive guide on how to parent a child who has their own personality, thoughts, and behaviors.  And there isn’t one, because there is no other child like your child.

We want our children to be happy

Many times when parents come into my office they are:

• Worried
• Scared
• Uncertain
• Frustrated
• Seeking answers

They want their child to:

• Be happier
• Fit in and be accepted
• Listen and not get in trouble
• Feel confident in themselves
• Not worry
• Have less meltdowns

And without a manual or guide to let you know if what your child is experiencing is within the typical range of child and teen behaviors, sometimes speaking with a counselor can be helpful in figuring it out.

Does my child need counseling

The first thing I remind parents is that they are the expert on their child.  No one knows a child like their parents. You know what is normal for them and what is not.  Here are some questions I ask parents to help them figure out if their child would benefit from counseling.

• Is your child experiencing problems or difficulties that impact their life at home, school, or socially?
• Are they acting, behaving, or seem different than normal?
• Is the thing you are concerned about not going away or seems to get worse?
• Is your child’s feelings or behaviors keeping them from fully being themselves?  

When a child or parent comes to see me, I want to know to what degree the problems the child or teen is experiencing impacts their life at home, school, or socially.  Many times, when a child experiences difficulties in one area it can slowly impact other areas of their life. Often, I ask parents to identify if what they are observing is different than child’s normal feelings or behaviors.  Many times, children and teens go through “phases” of development that are typical for their age (toddler tantrums, preteen mood shifts).  However, if some of the things concerning you don’t go away or get worse, this could be an indication of something more. Lastly, is their child able to fully be themselves?  If your child is not being able to be themselves, it may be time to seek help.

Examples of when your child could benefit from counseling

Here are just a few examples of the concerns parents have had when they brought their child to see me.

• The teacher is calling you frequently about the behavior your child is exhibiting in class
• In social situations, your child seems to shy away, or he/she becomes aggressive
• When going out in public, like a restaurant, your family can’t go out to restaurants because your child has meltdowns multiple times, for instance
• Your teenager won’t talk to you and is not eating or is withdrawn, tearful and more irritable than usual
• Your family has gone through transitions (divorce, loss) and your child makes statements that are concerning or demonstrating behaviors that are not within how they normally act
• Family vacations can be challenging, because your child is so anxious, because they are asking questions constantly
• Your child’s mood changes quickly, and they can’t tell you what’s bothering them

The above list are just a few concerns I have had parents express to me over the years. If your child is struggling, just know things can get better. I’ve seen depressed teens find joy again; worked with children getting kicked out of class, develop the skills they need to be able to manage their overwhelming emotions and thrive in the classroom setting.  Anxious children have become brave. Socially awkward children gain confidence and learn to form new friendships. I’ve seen angry children be less angry. And I’ve seen parents, become more confident in helping their children navigate growing up.

Reach out

After reading this, you may not be certain of whether your child needs counseling, but when in doubt, reach out.  

Contact a therapist and tell them what’s going on. Ask them if they think counseling would be beneficial. They are there to help you navigate the tough challenges parenting throws your way.

Remember, you are the expert on your child. A child and adolescent therapist is the expert on child mental, emotional, and behavioral development. The therapist is there to help you and your child work through the problems you are experiencing to help develop the skills needed to be able to live life fully.